Polite Feedback is Killing Your Start-Up

“You’re onto something.”
“Wow, that’s really interesting.”
“This could be huge.”

Founders hear those phrases and start shopping for Patagonia vests.

But here’s the translation: they’re not buying, they’re not referring, and they’re definitely not paying.

You’re not getting validation, you’re getting ghosted with a smile. And if you don’t snap out of it, you’ll scale something nobody actually wants.

This post is a slap in the face, courtesy of The Terrifying Art of Finding Customers by Collin Stewart. It’s your field guide to spotting fake signals, dodging the “nice” nos, and building something people actually pay for, before your runway turns into a grave.

Polite Feedback Is a Lie

Polite feedback doesn’t show up in your Stripe account. It shows up in ghosted emails, missed follow-ups, and product “interest” that never turns into action. It’s a defense mechanism. People don’t want to hurt your feelings, so they hand you a compliment instead of a rejection.

The danger? It feels like progress.

Every “that’s smart” hits your dopamine like a real win. And after enough of them, you start skipping the hard questions: Will this person pay? Will they refer? Did they even ask a second question?

Polite feedback is the startup version of a participation trophy. It keeps you building in the wrong direction because no one’s willing to tell you the truth, and you’re not pushing hard enough to hear it.

Real validation isn’t soft. It’s sharp. It comes with urgency, objections, follow-up questions, and credit cards. If your conversations are friendly but frictionless, you’re probably solving a problem no one feels pain around.

Product-Market Fit Isn’t a Feeling. It’s Math

Stop trying to manifest product-market fit as if it were a vibe. It’s not. It’s not something you “just feel” one day between pitch decks and cold brew. It’s measurable. And if you’re not getting real pull, paying customers, inbound referrals, repeat use, you don’t have product-market fit. You have product-market fiction.

Collin doesn’t leave it up to vibes. He gives you math.

Here’s the formula: 

(Referrals ÷ Conversations) × (1 ÷ Days to Referral) × 1000

That’s not a productivity hack, it’s your delusion detector.

If you’ve had 30 customer interviews and not a single one introduced you to someone else, congratulations, you’re building in a vacuum. And if it takes 60 days for anyone to refer you after hearing your pitch, it’s not because your product’s “complicated.” It’s because it’s not solving a painful problem.

If your PMF score is lower than your Uber rating, you’ve got no business scaling. You’re not early, you’re off.

Customer Development Is a Funnel, Not a Checkbox

Most founders treat customer development like a to-do list. Ask a few questions, collect some head nods, and boom, validation. Time to build. Time to raise. Time to burn money.

Except… nobody converts.

That’s because customer development isn’t something you “get through.” It’s a funnel. A system designed to test whether anyone actually cares enough to pay attention, take action, or put money on the table.

Here’s the progression:

Exploratory → Focused → Paper Feedback → MVP Demo

If nobody’s moving down that funnel, if you’re not seeing growing interest, sharper questions, or escalating urgency, then the product doesn’t matter. Your assumptions are off. You’re chasing the wrong problem, or the right problem in the wrong way.

And don’t get cute with it. You’re not “selling” in these early calls. You’re learning. Until someone stops you mid-sentence and says, “Wait, can I buy this?” That’s your green light.

Until then, you’re not pitching. You’re listening.

Founders Must Sell

Hate sales? Tough. Do it anyway.

Because no one, no one, will sell your product like you. Not because you’re the best closer, but because you’re the only person who actually knows why the damn thing exists. You’re the only one who can adjust on the fly, explain the “why,” and turn raw feedback into real decisions.

Outsourcing sales before you’ve done it yourself is how startups end up with great pitch decks and no revenue. It’s how you end up blaming “market timing” instead of facing the fact that your product isn’t resonating.

Early sales is not a role, it’s reconnaissance.

 It’s intel gathering. And you can’t get that from a rep reading off a script. You don’t need polish. You need pain signals. You need objections. You need firsthand proof that someone other than your cofounder and your college roommate actually gives a shit.

Handing off sales too early is like putting noise-canceling headphones on during a fire alarm. You’ll enjoy the silence, right up until everything burns down.

Referrals Are the Only Real Traction

Early traction isn’t revenue. It’s referrals.

If your first 10 customers don’t lead you to your next 10, you don’t have momentum. You have politeness with a credit card attached. That’s not enough.

Every “That’s cool” without a follow-up intro? That’s a soft no. A slow-motion rejection. If someone really believes in what you’re doing, they bring others in. They spread the word. They want to be the person who “discovered you early.”

Your product should move like gossip, not like a cold email campaign. 

People should be tagging friends, DMing coworkers, dragging your site link into Slack threads with “you gotta see this.”

If they’re not doing that, it’s not on them. It’s on the product. Or the positioning. Or the problem you’re claiming to solve. Either way, it’s not a go-to-market issue. It’s a market-doesn’t-care issue.

Conclusion

If no one’s buying, referring, or asking for more, you don’t have a business. You have a beta test stuck in a loop.

Polite feedback isn’t validation. It’s the quicksand that keeps founders from facing the truth. Every “interesting idea” without urgency is a warning. Every nod without a referral is a dead end.

So stop chasing praise. Start chasing pain.

And if you don’t know what that looks like? The Terrifying Art of Finding Customers will show you exactly how to find it, sell into it, and survive the process without scaling too early or imploding too late.

Because “this could be huge” means nothing until someone’s willing to pay for it.